The Most Desirable Beauty

Most people in Christian circles have heard that famous verse from Proverbs 31, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

I have thought about that verse a lot in my lifetime, all almost 34 years of it. Most of the time I thought about it to encourage myself that it didn't matter what I looked like as I struggled with a poor self-image due to being overweight or thinking that I was overweight, or having acne or being too white and not tan enough...

Other times in more recent years I have thought more intently on the charm part and thought about the way our charms are deceitful. How charms make people like me, or how I can make people like me by acting a certain way or whatever. Charms do come naturally to some people, but they tend to focus attention on us, and not the One who made us. I am kind of sick of myself, if you know what I mean. I have grown tired of caring if people affirm me or thinking about what people think of me. I am thankful for what the Lord has done in my life this year in showing me a HUGE area of pride that I had in my heart, but it seems that every day I live, I see a little more of how very much I desire the praise of man (that being, man, woman or child). But I am thankful for grace upon grace that leads me away ( I have to be led away from it every hour, mind you) from a life full of myself. I want a life full of Jesus. I read that article, "Looking Unto Jesus" by Charles Spurgeon and I am so thankful for the light that has shown on my heart. In it he talks about how the devil's work is to turn our eyes to ourselves, but the Holy Spirit's work is to turn our eyes toward Christ. I love the work of the Holy Spirit and despise the work of the evil one. How easily my eyes are turned toward me! Here is an excerpt:

"We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on him; let his death, his sufferings, his merits, his glories, his intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to him; when thou liest down at night look to him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after him, and he will never fail thee."

So as far as my charms, I say let them die. I don't want to look at them. I hate them if they draw me or another away from Christ. I want only Him in my spirit. I pray that daily my flesh would die to the desire it has or the love that it has for the praise of men.

You know the next part, the "beauty is vain" part? That is what got me thinking on this today. I have in the past less than a year lost about 30 pounds and lots of inches, some due to Weight Watchers and lots due to running. For all of my life I have struggled with my weight. As a young child, I was overweight and made fun of. As a middle schooler, I decided that I "didn't want to be fat anymore" and began an exercise regimen and diet (which entailed exercise excessively eating very little food and no fat). This was the beginning of my obsession with my appearance and my hatred and fear of fat. Sadly to say, I spent all of my high school years with an eating disorder, beginning like anorexia and then becoming a bulimic for 3 years ( and fighting against that for the rest of my days).

But to make a long story short, through the course of my days I was up and down in weight and sizes for many years. And each and every one of those years, I was obsessed with the idol I had made of my body, to keep it from being fat or to rid it of fat. During some points this obsession was huge and at other times less so, but all in all my mind was stuck on me and the fear and hatred I had of being fat and my desire to be "beautiful" in the eyes of men.

Thankfully, through the help of my Almighty God, a good friend and my parents, I was rescued from bulimia, but again sadly, as most women NOT from the idol of beauty (as it partained to the size of my body).

Many years after this struggle began, I am coming to grips with things, through the strength of the Lord. Some of it probably just comes from getting older and hopefully wiser. And I know a lot of comes from the fact that I am a lot thinner than I have been in a while and I feel good about that. But in no way is a size 12 small, but for the first time in my life, I am comfortable in my own skin.

The biggest thing, though that I am seeing in this all is that "beauty is vain", really vain. I love running and I love that I feel fabulous and strong and that my body is smaller. Hearing people say, "wow, you lost a lot of weight" or "you look so good" is nice. But you know what I am learning, being on a positive side of the physical appearance thing, it still is vain. What does it matter if someone thinks I look nicer or I am in better shape than a year ago, compared to everything in life, it is nothing. I can be in shape and looking better, but if it means nothing to my hurting friend who lost a baby, or to my children as I tickle them on the couch, or, God forbid, if I find out I have cancer. BEAUTY is vain. It means NOTHING. I want to look good so that I feel good and I love feeling good around my husband (though he has been so complimentary of me at every size). But all in all, it doesn't make me a better person and it certainly doesn't make God think more highly of me.

It is good to care for the body, but it is far better to care for the soul. Both are excellent endeavors, but I should never let the one happen at the detriment of the other. Running, a healthy diet, a smaller body are not bad, they just shouldn't be my idols (which they happen to be on some days and at some moments). I should want one thing more than anything and that is to be someone who has "no other gods before me", someone who "fears the Lord".

More than anything I want to be that, "a woman who fears the Lord". I want to glory in Him and that I know Him. I want to be pleasing to Him. "A woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised". If anyone praises me, let it be because I fear the Lord. And although I may be tempted to be prideful in that I fear Him, in my heart of hearts I know, that I only fear Him because by His grace He enables me to do that. I have nothing on my own to glory in save Christ and that I know Him.

Daily, I must cast down the idols of outward beauty (though not wrong in and of itself), exercise (though profitable), or whatever else I value highly, so that I seek the one thing that is of greatest importance in this life, fearing the Lord. A fool has said in his heart that there is no God, the Scripture says. But one can also be a fool by acting and thinking in a way that skews the importance of God in a life. Let me do all things in moderation, keeping the glory of God my aim, and not the glory of Theresa. Let my goal be, as I fix my eyes on Jesus, to hear Him one day say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant". I want to hear that more than someone telling me I have outward beauty that meets the world's standards. I want to have what is beautiful in the sight of God.

I conclude with this: In 1 Peter 3:3-5, God's Word says,

³ Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting onfine apparel— ⁴ rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. ⁵ For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,

I will fail, I will seek the praise of men in my charms (if I have any), in my beauty (though it pales in light of so many others). But let it be true that I will repent of that nasty pride that provokes this in me and let me only seek the praise of my God and the praise of my husband, no, not for my charms or my beauty, but BECAUSE I FEAR THE LORD! Amen. Amen. Amen.