So many thoughts were flooding my mind as I swept the floor while listening to my non-napping baby screaming on the monitor and hearing 2 of my other children who were supposed to be silently coloring, jumping on the bed where my 3 year old was supposed to be sleeping also. Some of the things were: I wish she were sleeping, I miss having more time to dedicate to each child, what should I do next?: call nap time quits and head out to the playground to enjoy the weather and make the day go by faster, feeling sorrow over losing my patience with my children...ahhhh.
In the middle of this, the overriding thought was that I wanted things to be different then they were. Well, they couldn't be. That is just how things were going in God's ordained scope of things. So, with a non-sleeping toddler, 2 misbehaving children, tons on my plate, I must be content.
For my non-sleeping toddler, I must pray and ask the Lord to help her sleep, but to not lose sleep over it myself. If she doesn't nap, it isn't the end of the world. I can turn off the monitor as Mark would have me do, and head downstairs to run just as I would have done anyway. She will be fine, maybe a little cranky, but fine nevertheless. On the brighter side, she will go to bed early...
For my 2 misbehaving children, I must do what the Lord asks me to and like He would with patience and kindness correct them. In their case, they needed spankings and that is what they got, but while I was very annoyed with them. So, in that case instead of feeling exceedingly sorrowful and wishing I hadn't done lost my temper, I must just ask the Lord and my children to forgive me and leave it all to Christ. Instead of wishing they were perfect, I need to do what it is nearest and teach their hearts. Wishing they were perfect or being discontent in their disobedience gets me nowhere. My obedience and my joyful doing of MY JOB as mother is what the Lord asks of me. What is it that I teach them? "Do all things without complaining...that you may become blameless and harmless children of God...?" I must do this myself. How many times have a heard myself either aloud or in my head complaining about something. Ugh! You don't even want to know....
For the discontent feelings that I have about not having enough time for each little one, or wishing that I had more time for "fun" things with them...well, that is all well and good, but there is nothing I can do with that except give it to God. No reveling in my discontented-ness . Just talk to God about it. I know He gave me all that He gave me and He also gave me the heart that He did. So, I just need to talk to Him about it. He says to "be anxious for nothing...let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." You know, I just realized that peace is not just the replacement for anxiety, it is also the replacement for discontent. If I find myself discontent, it is because I am not at peace with what God has allotted for me at this given juncture. Oh that would be said of me from the Lord, from my family, from my friends that I am a woman who fixes my eyes on Jesus, the source of the true contentment, and says firmly, in all things, big and little, "It is well with my soul". Oh let it be oh Lord! Change this heart and may I be heard singing daily the words to this song:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. Refrain: It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. 2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed his own blood for my soul. (Refrain) 3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! (Refrain) 4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, even so, it is well with my soul.
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